What else could be more liberating than to see the big woman in this music video break free from her difficult past and take a plunge into the pool wearing her bikini and THAT lovely smile? Go check out 2:33 to 2:39 now!
As I have expressed here, the beach [or in this video's case, the pool] is big people's runway, too. If there's anyone who stands in the way, that would have to be the shadow of your self-loathing soul. Come on, let go. You have no idea how goooood it feels inside.
I'm one of the 5% of Filipina women* who find it extremely difficult to correlate retail and therapy. Shopping for me is one sob story that typically concludes in emotional eating. While most girls find this an empowering experience, I become a portrait of frustration for the scarcity of kikay pieces that fit me even before it's half-time.
Tell me how would I consider this as a pleasant challenge when my bust takes up too much space and my flat feet are too manly in size, among others? I'm not really most boutiques' target market. Sure, we have mainstream plus size clothing brands but I am yet to find stuff that will complement my personality and address my desire for bohemian, psychedelic and casual apparel. Inasmuch as I would like to, I can't really afford buying clothes from my favorite shops like Dorothy Perkins and Topshop anymore and I somehow find it sad to be limited only in the plus size section of Forever 21.
Thanks to ukay ukay shops, commonly known here as UK (derived from a well-received TVC for a laundry soap, I think), my frustration transformed to hope and excitement. Not only can I get to be overwhelmed with myriads of options that often fit me, I also get to take home clothes and accessories for less! The only dilemma? Carrying too many stuff home.
This entry would be pointless if I won't share my good finds, right? Here's a sneak peek of my closet below. Please forgive me that I can't provide how much each item costs. Memory gap happens, you know. I owe you such information on my next ukay ukay rave entries. All right?
* - made-up statistics
It doesn't really take a migratory bird to act on this all-important impulse to take advantage of the summer heat. With about 7,100 islands to explore and with our God-given bronze beauties, it is NOT right for us to remain exposed to the artificial light and stressors in the workplace. Follow where the summer breeze leads us and spread the ♫♪ summer lovin' ♪♫!
Ooops, I forgot. There's this unavoidable display of skinny celebrities in bikini along EDSA and continued circulation of magazines with cover girls in nothing but skimpy outfits and smirk by now. Recently, I unearthed this Blair Bitch postcard that reads NO FAT PEOPLE ALLOWED! What else could dampen the spirit and the urge to don a bikini, right?
Cheer up, girl. As Danah put it, everybody is a bikini body, because no one should dictate which ones are allowed to wear one and which ones are not.
In response to the abovementioned postcard, here's a slideshow of my favorite beach moments in swimwear, kaftan...and whatever my self-esteem and/or budget allowed me to wear that time. I'm glad this journey to body acceptance is documented with our local shores in the background
Yeah, yeah, I need a sponsor for my swimwear. =P
Body acceptance is one helluva journey. Up to now, I fall victim to those moments. I still sometimes feel too unpretty and too huge to get half-naked in the beach. Worse, I even feel unprepared for whatever other beach bums would say about my body and the excess balls that go with it.
But then again, why worry over what strangers would think? Sure, we have family and bosses and other people to please, but should we really bring such thinking in our escapes? The beach is our runway, too. This summer, let's shed those inhibitions and leave them behind before boarding the bus or the plane. Summer lovin' starts from within!
Girls want it looong, thick and fly away [whatever's the proper English word for tikwas, let me know]. Everything that my natural eyelashes are NOT. Sure, there are recent inventions like eyelash curler and mascara but I'm just too lazy to use such in a daily basis. Besides, I tend to forget that I have eye make-up on. My hands are slave to this frequent compulsion to rub my eyes...until I recognize the eyeliner stains in my fingers. I dream of having attractive peepers yet I don't like taking extra amount of care to attain it. If they were considered windows of one's soul, then I need louder prints for my curtains. With least amount of effort, please.
I found it serendipitous to hear about this deal a few weeks before the much-anticipated traipse in the picturesque islands of Batanes. With its renowned rolling hills, lighthouses, pristine beaches and stone houses, you can't blame me if I want to be immortalized in photos with enhanced eyelashes. I would like to look prettier.
After my Friday night shift, I breathlessly waited for the salon to open at 11:00. By the time one of their specialists can finally accommodate me at 14:30, I have come to realize how punishing the past work week had been. I signed up for a soothing whole body massage. After all, I doubt I'd be able to smile through my eyes if the rest of my body were a portrait of neglect.
The specialist began with the removal of the eyeliner marks surrounding my eyes. Then she used some sort of stickers to separate my lower from the upper lashes...with GREAT difficulty. According to her, it was a rarity to work on tiny eyes like mine. After umpteen attempts, I felt her apply the fake eyelashes and say, "Pwede na kayong matulog, Ma'am". I took heed and hurried to the invitingly open doors to dreamland.
It was a pleasant treat to wake up to the reflection of my natural-looking eyelashes in the mirror. They were long, thick and fly-away without looking like a drag queen's. While I repeatedly inspected my new look in all angles out of satisfaction, the specialist advised me to avoid washing my eyes for the next 24 hours. Also, I must sleep on my back to prevent messing up my new lashes. She offered touch-ups if the need arises for only P200. I was nodding happily while she delivered this spiel. As if I can really monitor my sleeping positions while in deep slumber and as if I can stand taking the pollutants in bed with me. She can't be serious. Right?
Imagine my horror when she rudely interrupted my sweet nap while waiting for my turn to get massaged. She found me almost in fetal position and immediately checked if my lashes were damaged. Ok, she was serious. Damn.
Unfortunately, my own bed doesn't resemble a massage bed where I can conveniently place my head in a hole to protect my lashes. Neither I have a Master who will put my all fours in handcuffs and/or wake me up with slaps if I unconsciously disobey the instructed sleeping position. Worst, I sleep like a kiti kiti.
Needless to say, I found uprooted eyelashes in my cheek the morning after. I even felt some of them dangle and cling on my eyelids for dear life against the wind. They didn't make it long enough to experience the pulchritude of Batanes. Ack, too bad.
This is NOT to say that the salon failed to keep their promise. I'm not calling out for other clients to provide their testimonials either. I'd rather blame it on my inability to sleep still. At least, I didn't have to shell out P800 for this kikay adventure and resulting reminder to love my eyelashes for what it is.
It's pretty apparent that our similarities end in our full figures, long, dark curls, tongue piercings and penchant for chunky accessories but, for some reason, most people mistake us as identical twins. Whenever we get into that situation, I would be quick to clarify we're not related to each other. I'd make fun of her male-sounding big voice and exaggerate my high-pitch laughter and explain we're on the opposing end of the 20-age bracket for emphasis. And most importantly, I prefer typical porn while she adores yaoi.
It is amazing how one's confidence can get contagious and inspiring. As the obvious big sister between us, I take pride that I always learn a thing or two from my unofficial twin. I think it's high time we engage in another gabfest after a few years of separation that followed my resignation. I want you all to meet my dear friend Sherry Sagun-DeCastro.
Lornadahl: How's motherhood? I heard you lost extra pounds already after giving birth. Breast feeding ba ang secret behind it? Sherry: Motherhood is the best and at the same time the most tiresome role for a woman. I lost 20 pounds a few weeks after giving birth, they say breast feeding really does help, but I think it's also because you start losing all those extra water and fat you gained during pregnancy. But I'm gaining weight again, I can't say no to good food.
Lornadahl: Where can I get those hips?! Sherry: I've had it ever since I can remember. Hahaha!
Lornadahl: How would you describe your personal fashion style? Sherry: Random. It depends on my mood.
Lornadahl: I know you're into off-shoulder tops, pedal pushers, and occasionally, knee-high boots. Tell us what you'd wear on a casual day and what you'd wear on a party. Sherry: On a casual day? T-shirt, skinny jeans (not that I'm skinny, you know what I mean) and sandals. For parties, it would either be a dress with pumps or an off-shoulder top, skinny jeans again and heels.
Lornadahl: Which celebrities serve as your style icons? Sherry: None really.
Lornadahl: Did you stop thinking that much about fashion after childbirth? Sherry: The first 3 months after childbirth, I did. I was more into taking care of my baby and being comfortable. It's all because of those many sleepless nights, you won't really have any time to worry about how you look.
Lornadahl: What's the best fashion accessory for big women? Sherry: For me, it's got to be big earrings.
Lornadahl: Oh, yes! I worship big earrings, too! I know you're also into big bags, big wristwatches and big curls. Twins tayo eh! Wait, you've outgrown them na? Sherry: I'm still very much into big bags, big wristwatches, big rings, and big curls. I'm just starting to go back to being conscious about the way I look. I recently had a digital perm so I have big curls again. Woohooo! Next thing would be to start getting used to wearing big earrings again. I haven't worn any from the time I got pregnant up to now. It's going to take some time getting used to it.
Lornadahl: Where do you buy your earrings? Sherry: I buy most of my earrings from those Bente shops. They only sell earrings for 20 pesos, real cheap! It's a good thing that my ears are not that sensitive anymore because in the past I would always have allergies if the earrings I'm wearing are not real gold. So arte!
Lornadahl: How do you deal with I'm-so-fat-and/or-ugly days? Sherry: I just tell myself to get over it! But when all else fails, it helps to have someone special next to you, someone who knows when you feel depressed about the way you look without you telling them, someone who'll tell you that you're beautiful everyday.
Lornadahl: What if THAT person you expect to support you will be the one to crush your self-confidence? Like what happened to me before, remember? Sherry: If that does happen - which I strongly believe it won't - I'll make sure that I crush them too, physically! Hahahaha! I'm a lover not a fighter but I'll still knock you down because for me to start feeling better after that kind of damage to my self-esteem, I'll have to do something to that person that he/she won't forget.
Lornadahl: Would you agree that guys only chase after skinny women? Sherry: Not all of them, I know that for sure. My hubby always tells me that he likes me with a lot of meat. Haha!
Lornadahl: If you were to appear on a billboard or magazine cover, how would you look like? Sherry: A very happy and satisfied mom.
Lornadahl: If you were to endorse a local clothing for big women, what would it be and why? Sherry: I don't really wear branded clothes, so I don't know how to answer this question. My clothes are mostly ukay-ukay, hand-me-downs and from those Korean shops that sell big clothes.
Lornadahl: Me, too! I'm such an ukay ukay fan! Which ukay ukay shops do you frequent? And which Korean shops? I am yet to hear one that cater to big girls! Sherry: It's actually my mom who buys clothes for me. She usually frequents Divisoria for cheap clothes. I would usually buy mine from the Korean-style shops at Victory Mall. Yyou know how Koreans love wearing loose clothes, well it's good for me because it's just the right fit.
Lornadahl: What's the secret behind your self-confidence and body acceptance? Sherry: Just learn to love yourself, EVERYTHING up to the faults, even those stretchmarks, it's what makes me...ME! Also, why not try putting a mirror in your bathroom and look at yourself while you're taking a bath and tell yourself that you're beautiful and sexy. I believe that if you can't stand looking at yourself in the nude, that just shows how bad you see yourself and how low your self-esteem is.
Lornadahl: Ouch. You know I'm such a camwhore, but I don't think I can do nude photography or nude sketchings. Can you go that far? Sherry: Heck no! I can only do self-admiration in the comfort of our own bathroom.
Lornadahl: What is beautiful about being big? Sherry: You stand-out! You just have to learn how to look at it in the positive way.
Lornadahl: How do you respond to the argument that obesity is unhealthy? Sherry: For me, it's unhealthy if you always run out of breath with just doing minor things or if you have high-blood because of too much fats to the point that you can't do most of the normal things you do everyday.
Lornadahl: Given a chance, would you join reality shows like "The Biggest Loser" or "Thintervention with Jackie Warner"? Why or why not? Sherry: Never. I love myself this way. Why would I go as far as joining reality shows to lose weight? If I want to shed a few pounds, I can do it myself at my own pace. I feel like those kinds of shows only humiliate big people and make fun of them.
Lornadahl: Not that I see myself joining reality shows like that, but somehow it promotes the fact that some big people are after fitness, too. Media tend to present fat people as overeating lazybones. Would you agree? Sherry: I understand that there are big people who want to have a change in their lives so they chose to be fit. I just don't like the way media presents TV shows that focus on big people. It always comes through as degrading for me. I don't know, maybe it's just me.
Lornadahl: Don't you find reality shows like these inspirational for other big people? Or such shows encourage people to obsess about inches lost - whether it's done in healthy or unhealthy manner? Sherry: I think it only makes people (even the already thin ones) to become more obsessed with their weight. So much so that they go as far as taking in all kinds of weight-loss medicines or skipping meals. Gosh!
Lornadahl: What do you say to people who say you’re addicted to food? Sherry: What's wrong with that? I love good food, I feel sorry to those who doesn't.
Lornadahl: How do you feel if people stare at you? yell degrading stuff at you? Do you ever experience that? Sherry: Stare at me? I tell myself they're looking at me because I'm beautiful. Yell degrading stuff at me? That never happened to me.
Lornadahl: Do you believe that thin privilege happens? Which of those apply to you? Sherry: I only agreed to one. "I do not have to be afraid that when I talk to my friends or family they will mention the size of my body in a critical manner, or suggest unsolicited diet products and exercise programs." This already happened to me a lot of times. I just tell them that I don't care about what they think as long as I am happy.
Lornadahl: Do you ever confront people? What happens when you do? Sherry: Not really.
Lornadahl: What do fat people want to be called? Sherry: Sexy!
Lornadahl: Why did you have your tongue pierced? Sherry: It's a symbol that I'm a strong woman. It helps boost my self-esteem, makes me feel more confident about myself. I don't know why, though.
Lornadahl: Does a big woman's self-appreciation and self-love root from the culture/environment she's accustomed to? What can you say about Filipinas and their self-appreciation? Sherry: Culture/environment has a lot to do with it. If the environment we live in right now is not so obsessed with the physical appearance, we wouldn't be having any problems with "who looks better with this and that".
Lornadahl: What would you tell your son Keane if he asks someday, "Why are you fat? Why can't you be like other mothers?" Sherry: I'm not like any other moms. I am very happy with my skin. I am beautifully big and proud of it.
Lornadahl: Let's assume that you'd have a daughter who will turn out to be plus-size when she grows up. How will you convince her or them that it doesn't make her a lesser person? Sherry: I'll tell her that everything about her is unique and that makes her beautiful, every curve!
Lornadahl: Some big girls are unaware that they're beautiful and sexy. What would you tell them? Sherry: Wake up! Stop looking at those magazines that only show skinny women, that is sure to shoot down your self-esteem. Try looking at yourself in the mirror LONGER than when you're looking at those mags, and tell yourself what a knock-out you really are.
Lornadahl: Bakit lahat na ng curves kinuha mo? Di ka man lang nag-share sa mga sisters mo! They're so thin, no? Sherry: They are! Well it's not my fault. I can't help it that I'm the one who's blessed with all the womanly curves. Hahahaha!
***End of Interview***
