Sunday, February 20, 2011

How To Stunt A Big Girl's Sexual Confidence

Unlike the teenage girls I see in the boob tube and the silver screen, I initially found it too difficult to strip off my clothes in front of this one guy who seemed to had appreciated my soul first before the rest of my body. Where did those teenage girls find the balls to expose their privates to someone or to a large crowd anytime as if everyday were a spring break party? While other teens were occupied acting on their raging hormones, I was a portrait of inhibition.

Luckily, I did not go through the he-might-cheat-on-me-if-I-continue-to-withdraw-sex paranoia. I had a healthy amount of confidence in my irreplaceable qualities. But I was totally aware that I was one Muse who can't make him write psalms about my body.

Photo from weheartit.

Eventually (read: about 29 days), his patience convinced me that my imperfection does not really matter. After all, he's far from impeccable, too. Whatever intimate moment we share together was not to be recorded for an audience's scrutiny. It's all about love. [insert romantic expressions here].

However, I felt my insecurity resurface one afternoon. I was sitting on his lap, wearing nothing but my undies and rose-colored glasses. Little did I know we were seated in front of his huge mirror. The typical post-coital sweet-nothings came into a halt; he stared at my eyes through the mirror and said, "I know I have no right to tell you this," then paused to gesture to his love handles, "But don't you think you should...start working out?" His eyes were then fixated somewhere between my bra and panties.

My brain took it as "Let's stop having chocolate cakes together when either of us is upset," and "Don't drink as much as I do," It also sounded like I'd gone complacent about my appearance and I should start checking out my competition. Ultimately, it made me feel that he wanted to spend less time with me...out there and in between sheets.

Ok, maybe he was just being preventive of any health issues his lovely girlfriend might face. So how will you explain the resulting scarcity of the highly recommended, doctors-prescribed sexual cure?

See, I was aware I was big...and getting bigger. Heck, it didn't matter what others say behind my back. I had an amazing guy standing next to me...until he expressed my weight gain was making me a lesser person than I was.


  1. If he's really concerned about your health, NOT your appearance, then there's no need to feel inadequate, mare. *hugs*

  2. Chad, that's not my picture. I'm too bronzed, you know. =P

    Kimmeh, maybe a part of him is concerned about my health. I'd give it to him. I guess I focused on how it dinged my confidence back then. Lesson learned. :D

    Thanks for the visit, guys. :D