Monday, February 14, 2011

We've Got Male - Larry Coffey

Photo lifted from Tethered 2 Home.

Single ladies, we've got male this Valentine's Day! Whether you're on your temporary lonely state that results to a great need for external validation and/or appetite for dark chocolates or you're in the mood to hear mushy lines, here's one worthwhile Q&A for you.

I met this Californian dude in our mutual friend's timeline on Plurk. His sense of humor is as intense as his sensitivity to determine when you're in deep shit (as evidenced by the private plurks he initiated). There's no such thing as too much science fiction and red wines for him. And for that, let's have a drink! I know you're breathlessly waiting for the interview part.

Larry Coffey: I <3 Real Women.

Lornadahl: So you like real women. What makes a woman real?

Larry: A “real” woman is hard to define, yet you know one when you meet one. She has an inner confidence, a sense of playfulness, and is just as comfortable in jeans and a tee-shirt as she is in high-heels and pearls.

What she isn’t, is fake. She doesn’t hold back, but speaks her mind. When she laughs it’s not a repressed twitter, but a full-on guffaw that induces laughter in others. She doesn’t sap the joy out of a dinner date by ordering the small salad with dressing on the side. No, she’s likely the one ordering the double-sloppy bacon-burger with extra chili topping while washing it down with a beer – and not a wimpy lite beer, either.

She may not be perfectly happy with her looks – and who is? – but she doesn’t let her insecurities show. She does the best with what she was given. She’ll wear make-up, but she won’t obsess over it if it wears off during an evening of fun and revelry. Why bother? She’s having too much fun, that’s why. Nice clothes, cool shoes, she’s a class act. Boob enhancements, botox, and face lifts are for the other woman, the insecure girl.

Her attitude about life is infectious, for she lives it to the fullest and does everything to the best of her ability. She works hard, but plays harder. She sleeps when she is tired, she eats when she is hungry, and she’ll tell you to your face when you’re acting stupid.

That is a real woman.

Lornadahl: How would you describe your attraction to big women? Fetish? Preference?

Larry: First, to be clear, I’m attracted to several different types of woman, some of which may be classified as “big”. With experience I have found that once a woman has become comfortable with her own body, she is a much happier person to be with. A bigger woman sometimes matures faster into that acceptance, and therefore is a great deal more fun to “be with”.

It’d probably be more accurate to describe my attraction to bigger woman as an attraction to a big woman’s attitude. A display of self-confidence is the biggest aphrodisiac in the universe.

Well, that… and long dark hair coupled with an intense pair of eyes. Now that’s my real fetish.

Lornadahl: What's the best fashion accessory for big women?

Larry: Besides hot boots and a push up bra, you mean? Seriously, anything that enhances her long hair, or highlights her beautiful face would be a plus for the plus sized woman. If you fall in love with her face, the rest of the body will follow.

Lornadahl: What do you imagine she'd wear on your first date? It's up to you if it'd be a movie date, talk over coffee, a museum tour or whatever you like.

Larry: While I’d prefer her to wear nothing, or just sexy lingerie, while tied to a hotel bed somewhere, I guess that’d be an inappropriate first date. Now, movie dates are a bad start cuz you never get a chance to talk, and coffee houses are generally too bright and too crowded.

An ideal first date would start around lunch time. I would pack a picnic basket and take her to a secluded spot down by the river. We’d make conversation while finishing off a bottle of wine (or two) and strolling around the park, hand-in-hand. After, we’d enjoy the afternoon and early evening playing with the demonstrations at the Tech Museum. We’d keep it light and make up stories about other visitors to the museum.

From the museum, we’d indulge in some martinis at a nearby martini bar, while arguing deep subjects like the merits of one olive, two olives or more. After getting caught staring into my date’s eyes for about the hundredth time, I’d take her to a nice seafood restaurant where we’d get sloppy eating crabs legs and cioppino. We’d order dessert – something chocolaty and very unhealthy – and wash it down with an after-dinner drink, maybe some warmed Gran Marnier.

After dinner we’d hang at the piano bar and tip the piano player so much they’d have to play our requests all night. With corny old standards still buzzing in our ears, we’d catch a taxi (too drunk to drive) over to the midnight laser light show at the planetarium. We’d lay back in our seats, catch a contact high from the friendly “atmosphere”, all the while holding hands to thunderous music and dazzling lights.

When the night was complete, and with dawn threatening on the horizon, I’d walk her to her door. On her front step, I’d leave her a goodnight kiss that would make her panties wet. The next day, I would send flowers, with a note asking her for a second date.

Lornadahl: What a lucky girl. What song would make you ask her for a slow dance?

Larry: As she’s a classic beauty to me, I’d want a classic tune to dance with her. Maybe it’d be something from the era of our grandparents, like Louie Armstrong’s “What a Wonderful World” or Nat King Cole’s “Unforgettable”. That’s not to say, however, that I wouldn’t dance other songs, though. For a true classic beauty, I’d dance every song with her, from every era.

Lornadahl: If you were to re-write the last couplet for Shakespeare's Sonnet 130, how would it go?

Ah but see this here my lady is real
Only by my ardent love could I seal

Lornadahl: Would you agree that guys only chase after skinny women? Does "chubby chase" really happen?

Larry: Just like women, men are inundated by images of the “perfect” woman: big boobs, skinny waist, pouty lips. When we men see the same manufactured beauties day in and day out, we start to think that is the “ideal” and therefore that is what we should want, what we should desire.

The term “chubby chase” is kind of derogatory, actually. Maybe there are true “chubby chasers” out there, but it’s a minority, those with a true fetish. Most of us are just tired of the synthetic women produced by Hollywood image makers, fashion magazines, and by the women who wish to be like them. The truth is, most women do not fall into this category of “ideal” beauty. There are men out there who just want a real woman, someone who doesn’t buy into the hype and accepts her body, accepts her form, for what it is.

Lornadahl: I know you've traveled everywhere. Does a big woman's self-appreciation and self-love root from the culture/environment she's accustomed to?

Larry: For better or for worse, a person is influenced by the environment they grow up in. A culture that is biased toward or demeans women can breed insecurities that are difficult at best to overcome. Through her own intelligence and her own personal awareness, a woman can surmount these issues and learn to accept herself.

However, if she is constantly beat down by those around her, she will never achieve that maturity, the personal growth that is necessary for self-confidence and self-awareness. Wherever I’ve traveled, one thing stands out: more important than cultural influences are the pressures that her own family and friends have on her. At some point, she may have to make the break between old friends and find a more encouraging network of friends. Putting some distance between an unsupportive family and herself may be the hardest decision she’ll ever have to make, but it is rare that any worthwhile growth can be done painlessly.

Lornadahl: In your visit in Cebu and Zamboanga, would you say the Filipinas have a great amount of self-appreciation?

Unfortunately Filipinas do not fully understand their worldwide appeal. While I had the honor of visiting one of the most beautiful areas of the world, I was dismayed by the poverty in which these very beautiful women lived. The economic differences between the rich and the poor most likely contribute to low self-esteem.

Furthermore, what I saw was a kind of repression, almost a discrimination against Filipinas there. They seemed to be treated differently than the men around them. For example, while leaving Cebu, I made the mistake of asking a lady next to me about immigration forms at the airport. When we eventually got in line, she was singled out because the officers thought she was with me, a white boy, and probably trying to leave the country. I overheard them hassling her as she attempted to explain that she was not with me. The passport checker quizzed me about her, too. It was all very bizarre and surreal -- I made sure I talked to no one else at the airport after that.

So, though I had just spent a very beautiful week touring the country, unfortunately my very last impression of The Philippines is how poorly they treat their own citizens, especially the women.

Lornadahl: If you were to do a photo shoot for a big woman on magazine cover, how would it look like?

Larry: Naturally, it’d depend on the type of magazine she was shooting for. For the typical woman’s magazine, I’d focus on her natural beauty with plenty of face shots, catching her lively and deep eyes. For a men’s magazine, I’d make it something more playful, probably using some sort of S&M getup. For something where a sense of humor is appreciated, I may parody one of the classic pieces of art that depicted larger women.

Lornadahl: Could you be specific?

Larry: Sure, basically the artwork of Peter Paul Rubens, noted for using images of larger women in his paintings.

Lornadahl: Some big girls are unaware that they're beautiful and sexy. What would you tell them?

Larry: It always amazes me when someone whom I think is stunning has such a low opinion of herself. Unfortunately, no one thing can turn around a person’s self-esteem. All one can do is to be polite, and continually make complimentary remarks without being sexist or suggestive. Support is the best positive action one can provide to someone lacking that kind of self-awareness.

***End of Interview***


  1. I enjoyed reading this Q&A. Thanks for sharing, Lorna. I have self-esteem issues (though they may not always show), and this made me think about how I'm treating myself. *sighs*

  2. Very nice :-) although I'll state that I am against the idea that there is any such thing as a "real" woman because it implies there are 'fake' women.. and there are not. No woman should have her gender identity taken away from her (this includes trans women by the way).

    I enjoyed the second part of he interview where larry starts out with "Just like women, men are inundated by images of the “perfect” woman: big boobs, skinny waist, pouty lips. When we men see the same manufactured beauties day in and day out, we start to think that is the “ideal” and therefore that is what we should want, what we should desire."

    These got into deeper issues that are really important.

  3. bravissimo, Larry!

    You, Lorns as always, ask great interview questions ♥

  4. Kimmy, don't feel bad. We all have our own low moments. I hope this entry made you feel better and realize how to treat yourself better. We women tend to forget that!

    Heather, that's a good point. I can't seem to think of another word to replace "real" women, though. Hmmm...

    Fristine, I'm happy to hear you liked my questions. They initially felt...lame. Thank you! ;)