Wednesday, July 27, 2011

So You Think Big Boobs Will Make You Happy?

So you think big boobs will make you happy. Have you heard my story?

Even before I became a teen, I started to take notice of the growing twins inside me. It was awkward to be waaaay ahead of the race. Although growth spurt may be ordinary that time, I yearned for my friends to relate to the extraordinary amount of change I went through. I was the first to outgrow baby bras and always the last to purchase the ones with maximum support. With lace and bold designs, please!

Do I make it appear as if carrying papayas were so much fun?

If I make it appear as if it were so much fun, please think again. I can still get offended when random gapeseeds engage in a silent staredown with my kids. It's freaky to receive personal messages online with title that goes like ( . )( . ) It can get saturating how other women feel comfortable talking about my mammary glands within my earshot daily. It's anti-climactic to dig boobfuls of sand before I can finally go sunbathing. It's frustrating that I can't crawl in Sumaging Cave in Sagada nor tie my own shoelaces as easily because these humps get in the way. It's sometimes far from relaxing when massage beds don't offer breathing space for my chest. See what I mean?

Some girls have to dig before they can get to do sun salutation, you know!

How come massage beds aren't boobs-friendly?!

Thank you, Google Images!

Sure, you can argue this abundance is better than to your sob story of scarcity and point to countless depictions of big breasts as the ultimate weapon of seduction. However, I oftentimes feel inadequate when I see breast exposures on movies, magazines and websites. Such makes me scared of full moons and gravitational pulls. Makes me feel sad my nipples aren't pink and small enough. Makes me ashamed of their distance to each other, my stretch marks and all. Heck, I can probably pose nude as long as you will let me conceal my chest.

Ang ganda ng Pamilacan Island in Bohol, no? Wait, what are you staring at?

It's ironic that what most people assume as my biggest asset sometimes feel like my biggest insecurity. Aside from what I mentioned above, I slightly blame it on boobs for all the continued encounters with perverts and my perceived too-boobsey-to-be-taken-seriously image. The flick 100 Girls probably best explained why men are so drawn to this particular body part. See, its three concentric rings best resemble a dartboard that anyone with an appendage will do and say anything to hit the bull’s eye. And it makes me feel like a target, a plaything they can discard right after. Let me laugh out bitterly here in the corner.

I would like to afford a breast reduction procedure when I grow up. I now accept donations. =P

Who has a big heart to help me with my boob job fund?

Image lifted here.


  1. Ey Lorna!
    Boob Job fund talaga. Hihihi!!
    Akala ko parang similar sa Bad Teacher na movie.
    Lets promote this if it will help you.

  2. I can totally relate! I, too, sometimes have trouble with mine. I know I'm petite and all, but I really think they're not proportional to my size. Sometimes I wish some of it were allotted to my butt instead. Hay! Hilarious photo captions, BTW. :P

  3. When I was a kid, I wanted to have big boobs. You said it, media's painted it as the ultimate seduction tool and is sort of the "symbol" for feminism.

    I've learned to accept mine, be that they're not the size that society deems attractive. True that in some cases I wish I had a little more (like when I'm wearing a dress that will fit better if I had bigger girls), but my activities show me that this is better. :)

  4. I second the motion my fellow World-Cup sister. :) (remember that? You, me, and Sherry. :)) Ang hirap bumili ng tops with our twins. And yeah, those unwanted stares (di bale kung guwapo man lang eh. Usually it's the well...people you don't want to get stares from who do the staring.A lot.), nakakailang din talaga. And I super agree about the pull of gravity! Argh! And the massage thing! Habang matiwasay na nakapagpapamasahe ang karamihan, I on the other hand experience an uncomfortable amount of breathlessness. :( Hayayay, pag may sumobra sa Boob Job Reduction Fund mo, baka puede mo i-share sa kin. Or baka may combo meal, sabay na tayo. :)

    Another well-written post Lorna, more pageviews more fun! :)

  5. Francis, I am yet to watch "Bad Teacher". Ano yun? I'm so not in the know when it comes to movies talaga. I'm considering to have it done. Pero wala pa namang major research na nagaganap.

    Kimmeh, naku, sinabi mo! Sana yung excess napunta na lang sa butt! *hugs*

    Kat, I feel that I'm on my way to accepting my chest. Ambigat kasi talaga. Glad to know you're happy with your rack. *hugs*

    Tin, I completely forgot about the World Cup sisters. Sino nakaisip niyan? Ang clever ha! Naku, na-experience ko nang matitigan ng isang gay guy. Mas freaky kesa straight men! Seriously! I hardly get to sleep din during my massages. Except na lang pag sobrang pagod. Wait, you wanna have yours reduced din? Kwento!

    Thanks for the visit, ladies and gent. Sorry, I haven't been bloghopping as of late. Super busy tapos walang matinong connection at home recently. Bawi ako soon! Mwah!

  6. Boob sistah, I completely understand what you mean as I've experienced all that more or less since I started growing my girls back when I was 9.

    Try high raw and detoxification, mine shrunk a cup size. Non-invasive and super safe and definitely less expensive. You wouldn't need donations.

  7. nice post. I totally can relate, one of my biggest dilemma is not only men tend to exaggeratedly stare but women too. what's worst they tend to giggle annoyingly and at the same time try to measure my size. tsskk... tssk..

  8. Hi, Fris! Wow, congratulations! Another reason to go back to raw food diet! Oh, the donation thing is just a joke. :))

    Mitch, it can get really annoying, no? I thought immune na ako pero I still get affected when they openly stare at my twins. Like I mentioned in my prior comment, it's a whole new experience when a non-cross dresser type of gay gets fixated in that region. I didn't know how to react. Hahaha! Anyway, here's a big hug for you. ;)

  9. I commend you for taking the courage to write about this. I remember our conversations about bras before and how you made me understand that having big boobs doesn't make one happy. I did wish to have big ones too before. I guess it's how the media portray women with such favorable and desirable than the ones who have small ones. :-)

  10. Thanks, mare! I'm sorry if I made it sound as if I were really unhappy. Well, I'm glad I have boobs but...not THIS much. It's back-breaking and expensive and it really makes me look bastusin. But, like one guy told me, I'm so proud daw of what I have. I hope that clarifies everything.