I met this beautiful stranger in a pranic healing center and spent time talking about energy bodies. Today, we finally get to talk about our physical bodies!
I would like you to meet my dear friend, Asher.
Lornadahl: How would you describe your personal fashion style?
Asher: Very simple and comfortable. I usually wear sleeveless, plain and dark-colored t-shirts, shorts and leggings. But I am now transitioning into wearing dresses since I find it comfortable and more formal.
Lornadahl: Which celebrities serve as your style icons?
Asher: Actually, I don't have one since I am happy with the way I dress up.
Lornadahl: How hard is it to get clothes that fit you? Any particular body part that makes shopping extra challenging?
Asher: OMG! So hard! I rarely buy new clothes but when I see something that I like, I definitely go for it. However, I usually have a hard time fitting them in my bust, arms and legs. Ang ending, I can't buy it na since it doesn't fit me and it really feels frustrating 'coz I looked like suman.
Lornadahl: That's sad. How about accessories? What's the best for big women?
Asher: Hmmm...I think earrings. You can wear them without worrying that they won't fit your body. Also, it highlights your face especially when you tie up your hair.
Lornadahl: If you were to endorse a local clothing for big women, what would it be and why?
Asher: As I've said, I rarely buy new clothes so I don't usually have a local brand. But when it comes to sportswear, I recommend Decathlon since they have a variety of sizes that would fit me unlike our local brands.
Lornadahl: When you pick up a magazine or watch TV, do you see bodies that look like yours that aren't being desexualized, or used to signify laziness, ignorance or lack of self-control?
Asher: In magazines, NO! But now that social media is becoming a new platform for advertisements, YES! I am happy to see commercials and billboards that show plus size models! I really admire those companies that show the reality about our body especially women's.
Lornadahl: How do you deal with I'm-so-fat-and-ugly days?
Asher: I exercise or I eat ice cream! Either of the two, depending on my mood. Haha!
Lornadahl: Do you think a great number of Pinoy men appreciate big girls?
Asher: Not really. There may be some but most of them still like girls who have small waist, big boobs and butt. You can see it on social media. Men like and react more to sexy girls than big girls.
Lornadahl: If you would appear on a billboard or magazine cover, how would you look like?
Asher: The way I am. No make-up, no accessories, wearing a nude color sando and shorts in a forest with waterfalls. Just like when Eve came to the world but not totally naked. Haha! Seriously, I just want to look natural, looking afar.
Lornadahl: What's the secret behind your self-confidence and body acceptance?
Asher: My only secret is just to be happy the way I am. If you keep listening to the people around you, to lose weight or to refrain from overeating, you will end up being frustrated. It's YOUR BODY! You are the only one who has the right to decide what you want to do with it. So choose to be happy without listening to other people's opinions.
Lornadahl: For most people, including myself, acceptance took a long while. Tell us how your journey went. Any defining moment, any influential person in your life that made it happen?
Asher: It took me 3 years before I fully accepted the new me. Not to brag, but I used to be one of those girls who were idolized during my teens. There were times that I was afraid to attend meet-ups or reunions 'coz I don't want to be the topic and end up getting embarrassed. I even stopped posting pictures on social media 'coz I was afraid that old friends will criticize me.
My defining moment was when I went to Masasa Beach in Batangas with my friends and my mom. I used to wear bra and shorts whenever I go to the beach but I was really hesitant to wear the usual outfit that time. There were boys and they might compare me to my friends. My friends loved taking sexy pictures and, as #SquadGoals, they want to pose along with them. But I wasn't really comfortable with it since I'm big. As expected, I kept hearing people's comments like I am a balyena and the likes. Then, my mom took off her rash guard and had her photos taken with me. So I told myself, "My mom can do it, so how can't I? I don't care anymore what other people will say. I'm here at the beach to have fun and I won't let their body-shaming comments get into me!" So there, that was the defining moment for me.
Lornadahl: How did you discover pranic healing? Was it part of your self-love or body acceptance journey?
Asher: I discovered pranic healing through my mom. She made me attend the courses which were very helpful for my whole being. Pranic healing is an energy school conducting meditation and healing. You're right, it's a big part of my self-love journey. I understand myself even more! I learned to forgive myself and to give more love to people who continue to criticize me. Also to be more kind to myself and other people. It made me realize that inner beauty is more important than being beautiful only on the outside.
Lornadahl: True! I recall being drawn to you because you project this positive aura and you have this infectious smile! Sana all! So, what is beautiful about being big?
Asher: People can easily recognize you! Sometimes people mistook me as an expectant mom and they allow me skip the long queues. Haha! Kidding aside, I think I became prettier and sexier with the curves that I have right now.
Lornadahl: How do you respond to the argument that obesity is unhealthy?
Asher: Actually, this may vary to different people. There are people who have underlying medical conditions which is why they can't lose weight. There are some who have eating disorders who can't control themselves. And there are people who have genetically obtained their body types. Some people may be skinny but has more medical problems than those with bigger bodies. I'm just saying that we have no right to judge other people without knowing their story. Yes, obesity is unhealthy but we must consider some factors before we blame them for being obese or unhealthy.
Lornadahl: Do you worry that, when you talk about feeling of sexual attraction, people are repelled or disgusted by the size of your body/
Asher: Yes, it's so humiliating! Some even tease you of who can possibly endure the sight of your body!
Lornadahl: How do you feel if people stare at you? yell degrading stuff at you? Do you ever experience that?
Asher: I'm not really comfortable when people stare at me even during my skinny days, how much more now. I experienced people say degrading stuff, this is common in public transportation. Especially in jeepney drivers who force you to move so they can squeeze in more passengers.
Lornadahl: Do you ever confront people? What happens when you do?
Asher: Rarely. It's okay for close friends to tease me. If random people, it's not okay. Some apologized to me and let them feel sorry for what they have done. But I let it go when I feel that it was a sincere apology.
Lornadahl: What do fat people want to be called?
Asher: The way they prefer to be called. We should ask. In my case, I want to be called by my name.
Lornadahl: Does a big woman's self-appreciation and self-love root from the culture/environment she's accustomed to? What can you say about Filipinas and their self-appreciation?
Asher: Somehow. Even if you have a strong belief in yourself, there are times when you will feel down because of the negative comments you hear from other people, including your relatives.
To Filipinas out there, build your confidence. We cannot expect from other people that they will boost ours. Sometimes it's our fellow Filipinos who drag us down. Crab mentality is still an ongoing issue. So, be your own happiness.
Lornadahl: Some big girls are unaware that they're beautiful and sexy. What would you tell them?
Asher: Start finding your inner beauty. Being kind to yourself is the first step. Appreciate the small things about you. Keep on reminding yourself everyday that you are beautiful. What you perceive in yourself is what others will perceive in you. Stay positive and believe in yourself!
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